MediocreMan

Not Gonna Brag · 29 August 2026

Have you ever noticed that when somebody says, “…not gonna brag…” they are really just getting ready to brag?

I know that when I say, “…not gonna brag…” it means that I am gonna brag, and I think it is true of everybody. I mean, why else would you say that. Not gonna brag, but this. Not gonna brag, but that. It is totally bragging. Not gonna brag. Sheesh.

It is a strange idiom, but I suppose we all know it. So we just wait for the brag. We wait for what the speaker says he or she is not gonna do. We may do so with arms crossed or with a wink to our neighbor, but we wait for the brag. And when it comes, we either have fun with the bragger or we laugh. And sometimes we are really amazed.

I wrote the title of this blog post when I wrote the title and first line of the previous blog post. I knew I was bragging and I wanted to own up to it. After all, I do not really think that I have that much to brag about. So I figure that I can get away with it every now and then.

When I do brag, it is in front of family and/or friends. People who know me and my idiosyncrasies. They know that when I brag about something, it is usually a cue to laugh. And they do. They all tend to laugh out loud at me. Not with me, mind you, at me. And I expect it. After all, I know that the only kind of humor that gets me genuine laughs is the self-deprecating kind.

(Now, I must say that there are people out there who cannot use self-deprecating humor. It just does not work. I think part of it is because most of us cannot laugh at ourselves. Personally, I laugh at myself all the time. I even brag about it here in my blog. It is crazy in many ways. I mean, who does that? Well, I like to write about my foibles and follies. But I do not know why. Okay. Maybe I do know why. There are so many of them.)

I like to write about my missteps and mistakes because I know that there are people out there who just need a laugh. Or maybe they need to know that there are other people out there who make mistakes. Maybe even mistakes just like theirs. Or at least close enough that they can relate. Which is part of the reason I chose MediocreMan, when I started writing in earnest. I am just a normal guy. A mediocre guy. A mediocre man, if you will.

Which is why I do not often say, “I’m not gonna brag, but…” It is not really part of my vernacular. Not part of my shtick. So I suppose it is okay to use the phrase every now and then. Especially when I use it like everybody else does. Especially when I use it just before I brag.

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That Was Easy · 22 August 2026

I am not gonna brag, but sometimes writing is easy.

I wonder sometimes about people who complain about writing. Okay. I teach at a high school, so I wonder sometimes about students who complain about writing essays. Or poems. Or any writing for that matter. I wonder because I find that writing is easy. Okay. Not easy per se. But it is an activity that I have always enjoyed. Even when my English teachers were bleeding red ink on my papers. For that is how I got better.

I also wonder about people who say they would love to write, but never write. They wonder how it is that a person like me can put out book after book and blog post after blog post. And yet they can never get anything on the page. They often wonder what the secret is. Well, I am here to tell you that the only secret is to just write. Simple. Put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard or even lips to microphone. Write. That is the key to writing.

I know that sounds simple, but it is true. Ask any writer if writing is the secret and he or she will agree. You just gotta write. And write. And write some more. Then, you need to be critical of yourself and edit and edit and edit some more. Which is a different subject. Another story.

So what am I really saying? Not much. I just started out with a title and a first line that I wrote some time ago. And then, I just wrote. It is not how I usually work, but it works for me. I probably had some other thought in mind when I wrote the title and the first line, but… Okay. This time I did not. Not really. But there are times when I have an idea but do not have the time to write the whole post. So I write the title and the first line. Or the first line without the title. Or just the first line. Anyway. You get the picture. I get something down to remind me of my thought. The idea is that when I come back to the title or first line or both, I will remember what I was thinking about and write the blog post. Or the poem. Or the book. Or whatever.

Of course, it rarely happens that I remember exactly what I was thinking about. But that does not matter. I just come up with something else. I just write.

And of course, the more I write, the easier it is to write some more. Maybe not all in one day, but each day that I write, it gets a little easier. The topics may or may not come, but the words always do. I sit at the computer and words come out. And if my mind is blank, I just write anyway. Even to just say that my mind is blank. Which is, of course, why I do not believe in writer’s block. (Which is another story that I have written at least a couple times.)

Is writing always easy? For me it is. At least now. There was a time when I just wrote when I was inspired, but that was long ago. And it resulted in very few essays, poems, or song lyrics. And no books. Okay. I think I did write one book when I was just writing when I was inspired. But I never published that book. Or at least not yet. I suppose I ought to find it one day and put it out there. Hmm.

At any rate.

I suppose that people who do not like to write or people who like to sit in their favorite writing spot and lament writer’s block will not appreciate this blog post. And that is okay. After all, I lied at the beginning. I did not realize that I lied, but I did. Writing is not easy sometimes. Writing is usually easy. (I cannot say always because then, I would just need one counter example to disprove the notion. Ah well.) Oh. And truth be told, I did not mean to write two lies in the opening sentence. I guess I did brag, too.

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Her Piece of Pie · 15 August 2026

“It’s not what it looks like.”

Candace scoffs. “So what does it look like?”

“Uh…” Gary pauses. “Uh… Uh… Okay. Maybe it’s exactly what it looks like.”

Candace stands with her hands on her hips.

“Well, it looks like I am eating the last piece of strawberry cream pie. The one that you had a note on saying, ‘I am the last piece. I am Candace’s. Do NOT eat me! That goes especially for you, Gary!’ I really liked the personal note. And the all caps on ‘not.’ That was especially nice.”

Candace just glares at Gary.

“Okay. Let me explain, Sis.”

Candace continues glaring. She crosses her arms across her chest and thrusts her lower lip out.

“Yeah. Well, you see… Uh… I was scrounging around in the refrigerator for something to eat. You know, a midnight snack.”

“It’s six o’clock in the morning!”

“Yeah. Like I said, a midmorning snack.” Gary tries a smile, but gets no reaction. “Okay. So I was getting food. I set your piece of pie aside while I scrounged. You know. Just making sure that it was okay and everything. Then, I make a sandwich. Which was yummy, by the way. I am so glad that you’re the one who stocks the refrigerator. Anyway. So I’m putting everything back in the refrigerator when I look at your sad piece of pie. You know, it was sagging a bit. Leaking a bit. The bottom crust looked like it might be getting a bit soggy. It wasn’t out that long, but I thought that maybe I should clean it up a bit. You know, make sure that the crust doesn’t get any soggier.”

Candace has not moved, but Gary notices that her nostrils seem to be flaring and her breaths are heavier. Like she is trying to stay in control.

“Uh. So I peal back a bit of the plastic wrap and start moving some of the cream and strawberry juice away from the crust. You know, just using a fork to kind of move it away. Well, that doesn’t work very well, but I lick the fork. You know. To get some of that liquid. Not much, but it looked like it was going to help a bit. And it did. So I did some more. And that juice tasted so good.”

Candace is still doing the controlled breathing thing, and she starts tapping her foot.

Gary licks his lips which suddenly need the moisture. “Well, one thing led to another, and well… When I heard you coming down the stairs, I started wrapping up the rest of the piece. I thought maybe you’d think you ate a bite of it. Or a few bites of it. And well, you know the rest.”

Candace looks at the piece of pie Gary is holding out to her. Less than half of what she had is left. She screams, “Oh!”

“Ah, c’mon. Don’t call Mom.”

“It’s what I get for having siblings for roommates.”

“But you’re not gonna call Mom, right?”

[“It’s not what it looks like.”
Write a story which opens with this line.
DailyPrompt prompt submitted by BumbleBee]

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