Malapropisms · 29 March 2025
I wondered if I could do an entertaining blog post with a bunch of malapropisms. (You be the judge.)
Malapropisms are sayings where you substitute a wrong word in for the right word. They are usually just mistakes. Like a misspelling or other error. But people can also use them to great comic effect.
I suppose Miss Spelling could be an error. But her parents probably do not think so. I actually do not know if that is a malapropism or just silly. I suppose it is just silly. But I could not help but think of Miss Spelling when I wrote misspelling. Even though I have no idea who Miss Spelling is. Just that she has one more “s” than misspelling.
Speaking of humor. I used to think that I could be a great syndicated humor columnist like Dave Barry was. In fact, I used to think that I could replace him when he retired all those years ago. But alas, nobody called or wrote to tell me that they thought I could do the job. Ah well. Instead, I have written in obscurity for all these years. I suppose that is better than writing in Antarctica. (Now, you understand why nobody called to ask if I would replace Mr. Barry.)
The other great humor columnist that I loved to read was Erma Bombeck. She wrote the seminal work on green grass and how to make it greener. The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank. The interesting thing is that now there is no grass over the septic tank. You just get to see the green tops of the tanks. I wonder what she would think about that.
At any rate. It was always great fun to read her writings about life. I do not remember all that she wrote, but I remember being entertained by her column in the newspaper and in her books.
Well, since I have not written any more malapropisms in this piece, I suppose I ought to stop while I am behind. And no. I am not thinking that I am some vulgar word for a behind. I just like the strange saying. After all, most people stop when they are ahead. Which is why it is humorous to stop when you are behind.
Which is a third reason that I am not funny. When you need to explain your lame jokes, people tend not to laugh. Just like when you need to tell them to laugh. They might not even give you the courtesy laugh. Unless of course, the audience’s grades depended on said laughing. (Which, of course, they never have.)
I suppose that I ought to one day get on the shtick. Really up my game. Then again, my dad jokes are subpar even for dad jokes. What worse shtick is there than a dad who cannot tell dad jokes?
Well, so much for malapropisms. I have only used one in this whole piece. Okay. Maybe two. But substituting shtick for stick… Okay. That was lame too. Ah well. So much for humor. And so much for malapropisms. I wonder if Miss Spelling has Dave Berry’s phone number.
© 2025 Michael T. Miyoshi
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